Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
