Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i think i just lost a toe
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
