I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
