You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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