at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
