if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
