So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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