No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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