Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
