you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
