we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
