So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.