The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.