i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?