is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
