Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
