had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
