I hate your face
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
