Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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