Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
