Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
