Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
love makes seman taste better
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
