so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
