Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
