In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
