I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
