went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
