Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
