I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
