What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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