New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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