did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
