JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My dick has a subreddit
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
