There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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