I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
