She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
