The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
