it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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