Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
