I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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