just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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