I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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