No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
