some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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