just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
