how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
