I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
