I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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