at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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