If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
