If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
