this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
