I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
