i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
