she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
