My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
