where am i from again
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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