I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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