end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
