I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
