you would pick up someone in the library
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Randomize
