# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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