i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
