3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
